Today I had a rather lengthy confrontation with my internship supervisor. He is a very nice person who spends a lot of time with me, both before and after each class. (if you ask me honestly, it's too much time... He just repeats himself and rambles on and repeats the same old theories of teaching that he's been repeating since the end of the ice age, but I do appreciate that he takes the time to talk to me and that he takes his job seriously.)
We've had differences of opinions pretty much from the beginning, but they have not been big enough that we couldn't talk them through. I did, however, see how they could become bigger, so while I was at uni at the beginning of the week I took advantage of being surrounded by lecturers who are both teachers and researchers in foreign language didactic to ask them what they thought of our differences of opinions. What I got was resounding support for my views, for my ways of teaching and advice to just bite the bullet, nod and say yes, and get the internship finished and over with.
That sounded fine, but today it simply wasn't possible. We disagreed so fundamentally that there was no way to simply let it be. I presented what I had planned and he's first words were: "I completely disagree with you". I ended up teacher what I had planned, and he left half-way through the class, and the discussion we had afterwards didn't get better. We left on civil terms, (actually he talked so long that he forgot to go to his class after the lunch break, even though he kept checking his watch), and arrived there 20 minutes late!!) but I'm not really sure how we are going to go forward with the relationship and the internship.
What I am thankful for is not this whole situation. I don't like it one bit, I don't like to have to put my foot down, I don't like to have to argue about everything I do and I don't like where this is going. I'm also worried that this will impact my chances of getting a job at a school where I know a lot of people, I have spent the last few years making good connections and that is a two minute drive from my house.
But as I sit here and write about a very tense situation, I'm completely calm. I was also calm while we were talking, and totally forgot about everything when I was actually in the classroom teaching (which reminds me of what my grandmother, also a teacher, told me years ago: that when you walk into a classroom, everything else goes away, and only that lesson and those students exist in your mind. It's so true.) I'm not sure where I get the zen from. I'm older of course, I have learned to put things into perspective, and I got great support just this week regarding my views, but when we were arguying I didn't, for one second, consider backing down, nor did my heartrate go up one bit. Not during the discussion before class, and not during the one after which dragged on for over an hour.
So I'm thankful for the perspective, the experience, the support, and, at the end of the day, the guts to say what I thought and stick to my guns, even though my internship may have been compromised. I'm completely comfortable with what happened and, unfortunately for him, I'm ready for another round.
Atta girl!
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